March 30, 2017
The word for this day is: jagermeister. But we will get to that later.
The previous night was exhausting. If it wasn’t for Michel bringing me food I don’t know how I would have made it through this long day. Even though it says only 27.6, we did over 30 km this day. Somehow I would end up staying out till 2am but like I said— I’ll get to that later 😉
After a stressful night, I felt like a zombie in the morning. I was around wonderful company who reminded me to stay present. In my last post I forgot to mention that there were two people who gave my money, totaling €60. Even with this cash and the knowledge that I had my card waiting for me in a couple of towns, felt myself obsessing. And this is nothing new to me– obsessing. I have what you would call an “obsessive compulsive personality.” It is not a disorder as it doesn’t hinder daily life functions but boy oh boy does it cause mental discomfort. You see, I don’t know when to let go. I don’t even know how to say goodbye to people, the missing consumes my every thought, every action. And here I was yet again, obsessing.
The turning point for me was meeting a fellow pilgrim,Jay. He was from England and brought a fresh perspective to our conversations. I wish I had a better photo of him, but alas the only one I have is when we all were sitting along a road— he was the very last one in the orange backpack. See below!
We got to town and found the most AMAZING hotel. After a stressful night I was determined to enjoy myself. We were delighted to see our rooms fully equipped with an onsuite bathroom, towels, heated towel rack, a cushioned bath mat, fresh sheets with a comforter, a fan, and even shampoo and body wash in the shower! I was shocked at how the simplest things brought me such joy!
We grabbed dinner and had lovely conversations. By the time we were finished, we (myself, Jay, Dariush, and Neil) decided we wanted to get another drink.
And drink we did. This is where the jagermeister comes in the story. Being the German that he is, Dariush ordered us a round of shots, this is after I’ve already had about a bottle of wine.
The new found intoxication led us to open up a wee bit more. We each took turns discussing the real reason we are on the Camino. For me I usually respond with my surface level response– to talk about how I felt unsatisfied in my career and have never been to Europe, so why not? I never really talk about how I had a really shitty break up to find my “way” to the Camino. It was nice being able to be honest. To tell people about how I’ve never done anything for myself before now. Growing up was always about pleasing my parents, making sure I kept the peace in the house because heaven forbid I do anything different than what my parents wanted me to do. Once I was in the real world I did XYZ in order to look “successful” to the outside world. I got a good job, a nice home, a new car, a nice purse, nice shoes, I did my nails, I made sure I was physically fit. Never for me— but so that other people would like me.
So there I was, still in a compulsive “people pleasing pattern”, in an unhealthy relationship planning to hike 2,650 miles with someone who wasn’t happy with me and vice versa. I changed myself to cater to his interests and yet he was still unhappy. I realized he and I deserved better. We both realized we deserved better. So we broke up.
I had no idea what I was going to do. I already gave my “notice” to my work and had all this money saved up. So I thought about all the possibilities in front of me. And the Camino called my name. There wasn’t one specific thing about it I liked. It was everything. And it was MINE.
It was so lovely to be able to open up. But it was even more lovely to hear other people be vulnerable and open up as well.
After the bar, we walked around the streets and Jay motioned us to follow him through a black door. I thought he was being drunk and going into someone’s home. NOPE. It was a dance club. I felt like I time traveled back to my early 20s!!
It was an evening full of excitement and emotion. With 3 shots in me and a bottle of wine I called it quits about 1:45am. Thankfully we had a short 12km hike the next day. I would wake up to a brutal hangover, one that reminded me why I don’t drink! I feel I must mention while I do not label myself an alcoholic, I do struggle with alcohol consumption. Once I reach a point of drunkenness alcohol changes my personality. It doesn’t make me honest as some might think, it makes me a different person. So I try to avoid getting “drunk.” Usually I am successful but that night reminded me I still have some improvements I can make.
Still can’t believe we evened up dancing after a 30km day of hiking! That will go down in the books for sure.
The gang sitting on the road tying to muster up the courage to do another 10km after already doing almost 18.
My luxurious bed!
The beginning of the end, ha!
El Camino Chronicles 